Stronger

Today has been an interesting one to say the least. For those that don't know, I was nominated by my awesome team and principal for LISD First Year Teacher of the Year. Your administrator nominates you and has to fill out this long application, and they end up picking three finalists from the batch of nominations. I was honored that they chose to fill out that long application in the first place (seriously, it was ridiculously long...) Along with their nomination, I was required to write an essay answering three questions: 
What made you want to be a teacher? 
What has been your biggest challenge in your first year? 
How has teaching differed from your expectations?

So, with the help from a fellow teammate, I wrote the essay and she edited it and made it sound pretty (there's a reason I'm the math person). Brief summary...
Adopt An Athlete in high school was where I started to notice I could work with kids, and then working ESD really confirmed it because I loved that job!
My biggest challenge was just that I was new, and didn't know what to really expect. I am also the only math person, so I have to plan by myself (so I thought)
Lastly, teaching has been different just by the sheer fact that there's so much more than just teaching the material. It's the relationships with kids and dealing with so many different aspects every day. 

That was the brief version of my essay...

We submitted all this about three weeks ago, and I had been impatiently waiting to find out who the finalists were. My goal at the beginning of the was to at least be a finalist, and obviously I wouldn't mind winning. Honestly, I felt that I had a pretty decent chance of becoming a finalist. I had read some of the things in the application they wrote, and they did a great job of making me sound amazing (probably more so than I actually am). I thought I wouldn't be antsy about finding out the finalist. But... Turns out I really wanted to be a finalist, and I felt with my essay and their nomination I had a good shot. 

Well today the email was sent out with the finalist, and... I wasn't one of them. I was sad, and upset. I'm sure my face went from excited to sad in a split second, and of course I had a class full of kiddos at the time too. I wanted it so bad, and I guess I got my hopes up pretty good. It was very hard on me, and continuing to teach in that moment was pretty challenging. It was a long day after that to say the least. 

But later in the day, I thought to myself. I can't let this define my first year of teaching. People told me all day that it doesn't define my year of teaching, and all the progress and relationships that I have made. It basically took me all day until this point to realize that they were right. They were. I need to stop moping around and realize this does NOT define me as a teacher. I have worked my butt of this year, and I have cared for each and every one of my kids! There is nothing more important to me than doing my very best at this job. Am I sad I'm not a finalist? Yeah, but I told myself I can be sad until midnight tonight, and then it's time to get over it. Move on. I love those kids, and I know they love me. If anything, this is going to make me work harder. This is going to be my drive to finish out the year strong, and continue to grow and learn to become the best teacher I can possibly be. 

I am so appreciative of all the people today, my team mostly, that I have had to deal with me when I may not have exactly been in the best of moods. They have been so supportive, and I don't know what I'd do without them. Tomorrow is a new day. It'll be a good day to have a good day. I may not know everything about teaching (obviously), but one thing people should never question about me is my love for this job and my kiddos! We'll keep working to be the best versions of ourselves we can possibly be.